blog#5

choices

i don't know whether i should dive in to take a chance. i've become cynical and bitter. i feel as though i really don't want to feel anything towards anybody. for self-preservation. and so that i won't be dragging anybody into my own mess. i just feel that if i ever go with my feelings again, i'll only be hurting the person in the process. sooner or later, the real me will catch up and i'll get tired and bored and rearing to move on. and that'll just crush the person i'm oh-so attracted to right now. i can't do it. i just can't. sure, she's great now, but sooner or later, i'm going to find something wrong with her and focus on that forever until i totally eat away everything good i had with her. it's just soooo wrong. i hate myself for being this way. i really, really want to change. so much. sana steady lang ako. sana i can just like someone without any strings attached. no wonder i'm so lonely. i hate myself. i want to like her. i really do. but it's so hard. i have to protect her since i like her. even if it means walking away.