blog#1

a new face

here it is. a new secret blog. hah. the old one was getting too public already. anyway, what's there to talk about here? hmmm.

punit

i'm in love with that girl. yes, i am. it's safe to say. she's shown me a whole world that i never thought i could see. i'm so grateful that God gave me the oppurtunity to meet her. i've made mistakes before and even made some at the expense of her feelings, but that's all different now. i would never do anything to jeopardize what we have right now. but then, mind you, she isn't my girlfriend. haha. when you meet so many people, you see so many girls and though you want to make a move and put on the shiny shoes and do magic, deep down, you really don't want to. all you wanna do, is appreciate. and that's cuz, you know, that no matte rhow hot, how unbelievably perfect these girls may seem to be, they can never compare to the one you love. they may be hot, but she's beautiful. something like this has never happened to me until now.

i tell you, if this were taken two years back, i'd be very happy. here's a girl who's got everything except that she's got a little too much of it. too much that she is hella unstable. you just can't keep up with her. she has trouble expressing herself, is very inconsistent, and has a twisted plot to play hard to get all the time. but then.... if this were two years ago, i'd consider myself the luckiest guy ever.

so what's the deal? what's with the two girls?

i'm in love with someone right? it's all good after a really rough time that had just passed, things are finally setting into place, getting ready, getting steady. and that's all good. i want it to happen. i just need a little more time really think about it. but nonetheless, it's what i want and i wouldn't let anything happen that would just ruin everything.

[pom pom pom]

here she comes. with all her prettiness, her simplicity and naivity. bah. i've known her for more than two years and even though we had a history, we've never been as close to each other as we are now. bigla lang eh. we text very often and even chat with each other until the wee hours of the morning. she even told me that she was jealous of the other girl. hell, she's my makeshift girlfriend. we had our monthsary on june 27. i call her gf and she calls me bf. it's a playful thing but it makes you wonder up to what point is this all a joke.

she's the only girl who's ever asked about my family. intensely. like the names of my parents, my sisters, what they did, how my relationship was with them. etc. she too the initiative. she even wanted to find out what i wanted to do in life, what i really wanted to do. i've never really really shared that with anyone.

but like i said, she's inconsistent, naive, unstable, and is probably just toying around with the whole situation. and besides, she's leaving for the states next month.. forever. maybe that's a reason why all this is happening. and besides, i don't think it'll ever compare to the chemistry and one-ness that i have with the one i'm in love with.

so wait, why am i getting all affected? ba't ako intense?

i know there's nothing wrong with flirting back. i know that right now, i know what i want and i stand by it, and i will never do anything to jeopardize it. but the fact of the matter is, i don't want any of this with the unstable one to escalate. i mean, sure, it's great that all this with her is happening, and sure i'm attracted to her and i'm really enjoying her company and her friendship and all, but i don't want it to reach to a point when i'm gonna start intensely liking her and stuff. and we all know where that's going to lead. i know that this new blossoming friendship with her has opened a window at the very back of my head which i haven't been minding. and outside the window, it says, "maybe there's a chance with this girl. maybe she isn't as unstable as she was. maybe she's a price catch." soon, i'm sure, the draft from this window will be felt...

damn. sana hindi. i'm happy with the way things are. i love my wendy darling. i really do. but i'm not even comitted yet. and that's why a part of me keeps going the other way and if i rush into things and commit, that part of me will be left astray in the other direction and i'll be incomplete na talaga, i guess i just need to know. need to figure things out. need to focus. need to be stronger. need to stop all this senseless flirting [window: maybe it isn't senseless. maybe it's real]

bah. i hate being human.